Physicist: The existence of Santa Claus is an established fact, beyond debate. There is however a paranoid sub-culture of conspiracy theorists that quietly advocate the non-existence of Santa Claus (“asantists”). But, keep in mind that rather than being a grouchy young human, Santa is in fact a jolly old elf. But, I’ve found empirically that almost every Santa you’ll meet is, in fact, an asantist impostor. Which raises the question: given that Santa exists, and so does life on Earth, how many nice children can there be?